Thursday, October 30, 2014

When Things Don't Go as Planned

Sitting in a hospital room, I watched as my baby's heart rate dropped dangerously low. In an instant, 7 doctors surrounded me as a nurse moved me around through my contractions and put an oxygen mask on me. I could see tears dangerously close to falling from my husband's eyes.

A neonatal team entered the room when I was ready to push because they really weren't sure what may happen. My doctor explained as we started to push that if her heart rate dropped during any of the pushes, that I needed to be ready for an emergency c-section. This was not what I had planned for my childbirth experience.

Well, actually I hadn't planned too much because I know things can change. I just wasn't prepared for exactly how much everything could change. That it all could literally happen in a minute.

It's funny, because no one really tells you what could happen when you have a baby, even if the pregnancy was super easy and you & baby are healthy the whole time. No one tells you that things can happen even when you are full term.

No one tells you that your baby could just not breathe and she could be whisked away to the NICU.

No one tells you that you will get so many differing opinions on how to feed your child in a span of 2 hours from 4 different nurses when all you want to do is get your baby out of intensive care.

No one tells you that you may feel guilty seeing all the babies that are so much worse off and your baby is almost ready to leave.

No one tells you when you do get home that you will barely sleep, so worried that she may quit breathing again.

No one tells you that you will sleep even less when your baby isn't gaining weight, so you will pump constantly for months, praying that she will finally put on weight so you can stop worrying.

No one tells you that people with think you are crazy for being so protective, even though they tell you not to have them out for the first six weeks.

No one tells you these things probably because they don't know.

With a very healthy and happy baby reaching the first birthday milestone in just a week, it's really made me reflect on my childbirth experience and has completely amazed me just how much has changed in the past year.

I know I didn't have it that hard. I know there are people that have sick babies, stillborn babies, angel babies. I am not comparing my experience with that whatsoever. Mine was so very easy in comparison, actually.

But I also remember how scary and helpless I felt seeing my baby with all kinds of wires sticking out from her. How utterly devastating it was to have my baby taken from me right after birth. And how wonderful it felt for her to get to go home.

And I hope I never forget how lucky I feel right now to have a beautiful little daughter. Happy almost birthday, darling. 


  1. I'm not a mom yet, but I loved reading this anyway. Thanks so much for sharing, and happy almost birthday, Juliet!


  2. Isn't it amazing to look back over the course of the year? Remembering all the ups and downs? Thank you so much for sharing your birth story. And a happy almost birthday to Juliet! How wonderful!!

    Katie @ Cup of Tea

    1. I still can't believe that was almost a year ago now. It's crazy how far we have come!

  3. I love reading birth stories. Eah one is different but beautiful. Kane didn't have to stay in NICU, but his heart rate dropped several times where they flipped back the bed, did the oxygen mask, etc. It was some of the scariest moments of my life. So glad for the happy ending!

    1. Yeah, it's just not what you expect at all. Obviously it's all worth it, but so so scary in the moment! They did tell me usually boys are the trouble makers and kept asking if I was sure it was a girl haha.

    2. Seriously?!lol Figures. Did you have a minor freakout by starting to worry that the dr may have gotten the sex wrong?

  4. Oh how your story brings back memories. My oldest needed open heart surgery when he was born. There were a lot of experiences those few weeks while he was in the NICU that nothing could have prepared us for. That baby is now 16 and a strong, handsome, wonderful young man. What a blessing that Juliet is healthy now! Happy Birthday Juliet!

    1. All the mommies in the NICU are just so strong. And it's such a wonderful thing when any of them get to go home. So glad to hear that your son is doing so well!