Monday, October 13, 2014

When You Have a Baby Young



Ever since I met my husband, my life has become a little bit of a whirlwind. I met Jay in August, we got engaged that next March, and then married the following January. Just two months later, we found out that we were expecting our first child. 

When I found out I was expecting, my life changed. As a recent college grad, most of my friends were still figuring out just exactly what they wanted to do with their lives. I walked in my graduation ceremony in December of 2012 and saw two pink lines in March 2013. When that happened, that searching for what i wanted to "be," stopped. 

Those two pink lines made me a Mommy, and I will be forever grateful for that. But those two pink lines also signaled an end to a part of my life that I never really got a good footing on. 

I don't really miss that life, because well, I didn't really know what it was. When I look at my friends still navigating their lives, trying to figure out what they want to be, where they want to live, and attempting to find a mate (or just having fun), it's a bit of an out of body experience. 

I don't have a lot in common with my peers anymore. In fact, those who I once considered peers probably aren't even that any longer. I struggle with that sometimes. 

I struggle with finding my identity apart from being "Mommy" mostly because I wasn't really exactly sure what that identity was prior to becoming one. 

I was always a very good student and had always seen myself going far in a career. I never dreamed I'd be a stay at home mom. I absolutely adore being home with my daughter and know I am beyond blessed to have this opportunity, so I never want to make light of it. But having such a selfless, unending, and let's face it, often unappreciated job sometimes leaves me feeling at the end of the day not really sure where I fit in besides being a mom. 

Now, I'm in no way comparing this to having a baby as a teenager or the trials of single motherhood. Believe me, I know I have it good.  But sometimes, late at night after my little darling has gone to bed, or especially when someone asks me what I do, I pause and often feel uncomfortable. 

I'm a mommy. That's what I do right now, and really what I will always be doing. But it's not the only thing I am. What else am I? Well, right now, I'm not really sure and that's the part that makes me squirm. 
 
Maybe some day I will know. For right now, I'm a young mom to a beautiful little girl and I'm going to be content with that. 

9 comments:

  1. Loved this and I can relate a bit too. I had my daughter at 25, but SO many of my peers were still figuring their lives out. I definitely felt like I couldn't relate that much with them. And just like you - wouldn't trade it for the world :)

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    1. It's kind of surreal when I talk to any of them, but I've gotten to meet so many other people that I would consider my peers now :)

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  2. I can relate sweetie. I was married and had a kid within the first 18 months post college graduation. Relating to anyone I was close to in college became obsolete. The flip side, I found, was that I had a whole new respect for my existence and that of others! All because of a little tiny human in a receiving blanket :)

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    1. It's so good to hear I'm not the only one. It's just another chapter of life I've got to figure out exactly where I am and who I can relate to now. And I agree, it just completely changes your whole perspective in such a great way!

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  3. I love this! I graduated undergrad in May of one year, married Chauncey in June, and started law school that August. Then, 3 years later, I graduated law school in May, took the bar in July, and found out I was pregnant 5 days after I passed the bar (seriously--it was a good week!). I was 25 then. I've adapted pretty well. I still hang out with my friends, and Kane tags around more often than not.

    I really admire you for being a SAHM, because I don't think I could do it. But I think that being a SAHM is a career just like any other. Now that you're a mommy, that's just a part of you:) Being a mommy teaches you patience, gives you strength you never thought you'd have, and shows you a love that knows no bounds.

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    1. I think part of the adjustment for me has been because I also moved 2 hours from most of my college friends. It's been great making new ones, especially mommy ones.

      I always feel bad for saying it's hard sometimes staying home, but really I think everyone has hard mommy days, working or not. And I admire you for going to school AND having a career and family. That's something I'd like to do eventually, but I don't think I could do it right now.

      And really, being a mommy is probably the best job any of us will ever have anyways :)

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    2. So true:) And Lord knows, we all have days we want to lock ourselves in the bathroom for a good 10 minutes!

      I'm 2.5 hours away from my family, but have tons of friends here in Lex. Most of my law school friends moved away, however:(

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  4. My story is a bit different. I have been both a WOHM and a SAHM and a career woman. I graduated from college and got a good job and had a great life. I hadn't met anyone special and had begun to think that single life wasn't going to be all that bad. And then, wham! Along came my husband. We got married 2 months shy of my 30th birthday and found out I was pregnant with our first son just after our first anniversary. I was 32 when I had my first son and 34 when I had my second. I suppose I was an old mom! My husband was in medical school and I continued to work to support us. My kids were in daycare. I became a stay at home mom when my oldest was 6. He's now 16.

    I think motherhood itself is challenging, regardless if you work outside the home or not. I don't think there is any situation that is easier than the other. I will say that I have no regrets about working while my boys were babies. They were in a fantastic in home daycare situation and I had a great job which provided salary and benefits to support us while my husband finished school. Now, they are happy, well adjusted boys who have very little memory of those daycare years.

    But, I love being home now. For me, it's more important to be home with my boys as teenagers. I am the one they talk to when they get home from school, I am the one who is here at "the crossroads" providing love and support. They could be on their own after school, but I love this time I have with them.

    And yes, motherhood is very often unappreciated and it's very easy to lose your identity. I think the challenge to find the balance between wife/mom/self is never ending!

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    1. I totally agree, I think there is such great sacrifice being a mom, regardless of your story. I love finding other moms going through what I am, but I also think just solidarity between moms is so important. Too many times we put so much stock in how we parent, and really we have so much in common JUST by being a parent. I cloth diaper and breastfeed, but that's not going to make a difference really in a few years. It doesn't make a difference now in the fact that I can relate to any mother with a little one. I think that's something you've obviously understood and hopefully more moms can get on board!

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