Monday, November 17, 2014

A Whole Lot of Emotions

I didn't think this would be so hard. I thought I was ready for this. I thought it would be harder for her than for me. But it's the exact opposite, which almost makes it worse. I could deal with it better if it was her not wanting to let go, but it's not. That thought hits harder than I ever thought it would.

Juliet is completely ready to end our breastfeeding relationship. 

She doesn't need it anymore--she doesn't ask for it. And honestly? I thought I would be more relieved than I am. Although I have been completely happy that breastfeeding is the route we chose and that we were able and willing to nurse until a year, I never really felt like my nursing relationship with her was ever a total bonding experience for us.

Don't get me wrong, there's something very personal and relational about nursing a baby, but we had such a hard time starting our nursing relationship, and then later when she refused to take a bottle or sippy cup when I would leave has just really made it hard and frustrating at times.

So I didn't think I'd have such overwhelming emotions about this process. We started right around her birthday by cutting out one nursing session in the afternoon and it didn't seem to phase her in the slightest.

Then we just recently cut the second and she has been going down so easily for her naps even without it. My mama heart felt a pang of sadness that caught me off guard. It makes me so sad that in a week or two, I won't be nursing my baby before she goes to bed or first thing when she wakes up in the morning.

It makes me ache that that part of our relationship is soon going to be over. It makes me ache even more that she's content and ready for that to be over. She's ready when I thought I would be. Although I didn't want to wean until she was ready, I guess I just expected her to be a little less adapting to this change in our relationship.

So, I've really been relishing this last few weeks of nursing my very first baby, who really isn't such a baby anymore. I let her nurse a little longer, even let her fall asleep sometimes because I know we won't be doing this for very long. I cuddle with her rocking in our glider longer than she probably needs.

Babies don't keep and this transition in our relationship makes me all too aware of that.

How have you dealt with relationship changes with your kids?

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