Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Why We Are Leaving our Family Size up to God

A few months before Juliet's birthday, we decided that we were being called to leave our family size up to God.

I know. Big statement. 

I never thought that this is what I would be called to do. When I first thought about sharing this, I had all kinds of hope for the future, maybe a bigger family than I originally had thought, maybe more babies close together than I had originally wanted. But that family would be the one that God had blessed me with, so scary or not I was excited.

And then we had a miscarriage. And my idea of leaving this whole thing up to God came crashing down around me.

Does leaving my family size up to God mean that I may not have another baby? That thought may have fleetingly crossed my mind before, but never in a  permanent--this may really happen-- kind of way.  Now, well, it seems like it could be more of a possibility.

And that makes it a lot harder to be open to leaving it up to Him.

It's a funny feeling, being in this space of waiting. Waiting to know whether God will bless us with more children biologically, or whether our family may grow in other ways.

I'd like to say that I am happy sitting in the waiting. But that would be a lie. It's hard and I don't really like it at all.

So I will sit in the waiting,  and try to remember all the blessings that we have been given. It's not going to be easy, but I will trust that this is the path we are being led down.

Are you in a period of waiting? How do you deal with the unknown? 

1 comment:

  1. Amen, Caitlin. We are waiting too...my husband has been through so much underemployment and unemployment over the past couple years. His career seems to be at a stand still. It's heartbreaking and so frustrating to see him apply to so many places and rarely ever even have his interest acknowledged. Just this morning as I prayed again about the situation, I asked God to do a miracle - because that's the only way I can imagine the situation getting better. There's nothing I can do or try to do that will fix things for us. And yes, it's extremely uncomfortable to be in this place. I want to be in control. But we rest in the knowledge that God loves us with everlasting arms. He is good and can only do good! God wants the best for our lives - and He wants the best for your family, too. While you wait, rest in the knowledge of who God is. Hugs!!!