Monday, May 11, 2015

When You're Missing Someone on Mother's Day

This was my second Mother's Day with my baby girl, third if you count when I was pregnant. And it struck me this year how different every single one has been for me.

3 years ago I was announcing my pregnancy and the end of my first trimester with my first, sweet baby girl. And last year was the first Mother's Day that I got to spend with my wonderful little girl in my arms. 

And then we have this year. We had such a wonderful time on Saturday, going to Muffins with Mom at church and spending the day at the zoo. Jay and I even got to sneak away for a bite as just the two of us. 

But it's always lightly nagging in the back of my mind that there's someone missing. Not only is this the first Mother's Day we celebrated without my Grandma, but we should have been sharing these moments with another little life. If my first baby had made it, I would be feeling the little flips and kicks that come at 20 weeks. I would have a belly and be in the best part of my pregnancy. If our last little one had made it, this would have been the time we had told our families and laughed about how this one and Juliet could potentially have the same birthdays. 

Instead my life feels like it is on pause. Oh yes, I've got some wonderful things happening right now, like a new job and going back to school, but sometimes it just seems like it's marking time until that day when we have our next little baby. That's where my heart is, that's where my mind wanders. What could have been and what will hopefully be. 

So I urge you, next time when you celebrate Mother's Day, don't forget the mothers who have lost, who are yearning for another baby (or a baby at all), that don't have the luxury to see their precious little ones. 

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