Thursday, January 21, 2016

Courage

I've always been a dreamer, a reader--that kid with their head in the clouds imagining just what their life would be like if it really was like those adventures I buried my nose in. But none of those stories really caught my attention--my mind--quite like the Chronicles of Narnia.
Before the movies, before I could even read, my dad would read chapters of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe to me. I would beg for more, even if we had been reading for hours. I fell in love with the characters; in love with the story.
As I've gotten older, the lines above have taken on a new meaning. Even as an adult in a book deemed for children, I find solace and kindred spirit in C.S. Lewis's most famous works.
I've shared on this blog the hardships we've endured in the last year with miscarrying 4 times, the issues with finding a doctor that would treat me the correct way instead of lumping me in with others that couldn't get pregnant at all, and then I just kind of stopped sharing.
It's been 5 months since my last miscarriage. Over a year of trying for another child. We took a break and I've been focusing on my health. I've got a wonderful naturopathic doctor that my OB-GYN is willing to work with, and we are really starting to get to the bottom of why I'm miscarrying. It may be as simple as switching my vitamins and using some progesterone during the pregnancy. We're not completely sure yet.
A little over a month ago, I just really felt that God was leading us to let go of the control and trust Him through this process by allowing ourselves to be open to getting pregnant again. Probably the scariest thing I've considered. We definitely want to have another child, and we definitely want to follow God's will for us as a family and a couple, but after the past year, the hope and the sadness we've gone through, it's absolutely terrifying to think about.
I was so at peace and so ready to just let this happen, whatever the outcome. But now, as I am getting closer and closer to that time where I will find out whether we are pregnant or not, I've had such mixed emotions. I believe and know that our family isn't complete, but I've had to continually pray and remind myself that whatever happens, it's the best thing for us right now.
Through these feelings of uncertaintity, nervousness, and some fear I have thought back to that moment in The Dawn Treader when everything looked to be lost. And in the midst of all of it, Aslan (a metaphor for God) swooped down and told Lucy, "Courage Dear Heart."
And I know my God is whispering that to me now.

Linking up with Waiting on...Wednesday | Tuesday Talk

2 comments:

  1. Keep the faith. I will be continually praying for you and this journey. xo Amanda

    ReplyDelete
  2. This can be hard I'm sure at times. Your words give others courage too. What a great reminder to let go and let God.

    ReplyDelete